While doing some research on a recent article,
I discovered some information that captured my attention. It arrested my heart and mind.
My quintessential question is; Where is hate coming from? My Google research uncovered an astounding truth
I discovered a fascinating article by the New York Times called “Googling for God.”
Here is an edited version of the story.
In this piece, author Seth Stephens-Davidowitz explores recent trends in Google search data specifically related to questions people pose about God. Stephens-Davidowitz notes that the number one God-related question people ask on Google is, “Who created God?” Not surprisingly, number two is “Why does God allow suffering?” However, I was shocked and dismayed to see the question that came in at number three: “Why does God hate me?”
Stephens-Davidowitz then provides an even more troubling piece of information: “What is the most common word to complete the following question: Why did God make me _______? Number one, by far, is ‘ugly.’ The other sad answers in the top three are ‘gay’ and ‘black.’” Although the author of this article does not explicitly link “Why does God hate me?” and “Why did God make me _________?” I couldn’t help but wonder if there might be some connection between the two questions. After all, if you believe God made you “ugly,” it’s not a stretch to believe God hates you, too, since in our culture “ugly” is a very negative term that is used to denigrate people based, primarily, on their appearance.
In the same way, given that those who identify as black or gay are often marginalized in our society — or even targeted for violence on the basis of those identities — it’s not hard to imagine that members of those groups might feel that God is, at best, indifferent to their plight, or, at worst, that God has hand-picked them to be oppressed and mistreated.
What is the most common word to complete the following question: Why did God make me ________________? №1, by far, is “ugly.”
After reading the Davidowitz report, my mind could not grasp the thought and my heart was hurting. What if I felt ugly and believed that God was indifferent toward me? First, no one is ugly. And the thought of being upset with God for how we look is mind-boggling to me. And yet, I understand.
Few lives are ideal
No one is ugly. Ask your mother. Everyone believes that beautiful people live great lives. Not true. Beauty can be a curse. Beautiful people have equally severe battles as the less beautiful. Life does not offer the choice of our family of origin. We also have no control over our birth features. And since we cannot blame ourselves, we have to blame somebody. Right?
I guess God is the only obvious choice. Ultimately, this causes us to think and believe that God is indifferent toward us.
This affects our perception and our feelings toward God and ourselves
To believe that God has hand-picked us for ugly or for oppression is an open door to self-hatred and to hating the life we live. Hate evolves there.
Self-hatred
Psychologists believe that hate is a learned trait. At a minimum, hatred must have a source fueling the feeling. Hatred is not normal. Hating God ultimately ends in hating ourselves. If we hate ourselves, it is a sure thing that we will hate others.
Is hating ourselves and our existence a cause of the hate we see on social media and in society?
Psychology Today reports; “Acts of hate are attempts to distract oneself from feelings such as helplessness, powerlessness, injustice, inadequacy and shame. Hate is grounded in some sense of perceived threat. It is an attitude that can give rise to hostility and aggression toward individuals or groups. Like much of anger, it is a reaction to and distraction from some form of inner pain. The individual consumed by hate may believe that the only way to regain some sense of power over his or her pain is to preemptively strike out at others. In this context, each moment of hate is a temporary reprieve from inner suffering.”
Hate lives where self feels threatened. This includes a threat to our belief system. Maybe we believe that others are more liked than us. Like God has short-changed us. That’s a lie.
Or maybe we are envious or insecure of others. Unhappiness births hatred for life and self. When we cannot control our looks, outcomes, or circumstances, we search for something to control. Can you imagine using hate to gain a sense of regained power? We must believe this is subconscious, but not always.
Life is uncertain on many fronts. Broken homes, broken relationships, and broken dreams leave us defeated and utterly disappointed. Hate grows.
Discovering the genesis
A 2010 study by Stanford University researchers Elissa Lee and Laura Leets, who measured teenagers’ reaction to hate groups’ Web sites, found that storytelling with implicit hate messages, rather than direct exhortations to hate, is the most effective way to persuade impressionable minds.
A few years ago, I attended a Christian meeting celebrating Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Young. Families with young children filled the room. Rather than share the progress we have made in racial reconciliation, the speaker shared the pain of his grandfather being enslaved by white slave owners.
The room filled with emotion. What I heard enraged my emotions toward the people who had enslaved and mistreated this black family. I cannot imagine the pain and degradation of being a slave. I have sympathy and compassion for the abuse. But the message that day only continued the pain and fueled the fires of racism.
Small children were silent, and it captured teenagers up in the emotions of racism and injustice. Hate spawns in the early years.
I am not saying there is no place for this. However, I believe we can share our pain without fueling un-forgiveness and continued heartache. Our pain turns to gain when we use it to help others to get better.
We must resist hate
Allison Abrams said; The answer to why we hate, according to Silvia Dutchevici, LCSW, president and founder of the Critical Therapy Center, lies not only in our psychological makeup or family history, but also in our cultural and political history. “We live in a war culture that promotes violence, in which competition is a way of life,” she says. “We fear connecting because it requires us to reveal something about ourselves. We are taught to hate the enemy — meaning anyone different than us — which leaves little room for vulnerability and an exploration of hate through empathic discourse and understanding. In our current society, one is more ready to fight than to resolve conflict.
We are here. As Christians, we must reverse this trend
Healing begins with God
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.” (I John 4:7, NKJV).
Only God can heal our broken hearts. Only God can turn hatred around. Injustice is real. Everyone is not good. But God is good and He can heal our hatred of self and life.
We must find God’s love Then we must learn to love ourselves the way God has designed.
Loving ourselves is not selfish. Loving ourselves means loving God first. That is the path to loving others.
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.” (I John 4:7, NKJV).
Hate cannot abide where love lives. If we are born of God, love rules and reigns in our lives.
Healing hate begins here.
If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? (1 John 4:20, NKJV).
If we hate our lives because of how God made us, then we must allow God to use what He made.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said; I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.
And that’s the truth.
This post was posted first at Medium.com
